Word of the Week Archives

2008-08-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

Passhole (from August 13, 2008)

Definition: Noun. A driver who will not allow you to pass them in traffic

In a scene:
Rick & Steve are riding with their friend BD in his car. BD tries to pass a person who is driving 55 MPH in the fast lane, but as we get close to going around the driver speeds up ahead of us at 80 MPH. We pull back into the fast lane behind him, and the driver proceeds to slow to 55 MPH again.

RICK: What is his problem?

BD: I don't know, but that dude is a passhole!

Thanks to BD for this week's word! And for more Words of the Week, visit the Archives!

2008-07-01T09:30:00.001-07:00

Artifacial (From July 1, 2008)

Definition: Adjective. Word used to describe a person's face after too much plastic surgery has made him/her look like an alien.

Definition: Noun. The "one plastic surgery too many" that has transformed a human's face into something alien.

In a scene:
Rick & Steve finish seeing Lynda Carter in concert.

RICK: Lynda looked magnificent. But who's that strange alien woman with her?

STEVE: Former Knots Landing star, Joan Van Ark.

RICK: Wow. That was some artifacial she had.

Thanks to BD for this week's word! And for more Words of the Week, visit the Archives!

2007-10-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Datejà Vu (From October 22, 2007)

Definition: Noun. The feeling of having already dated someone before.

In a scene:
Rick & Steve are having drinks with Rodney Alexander Griffis.

RICK: Look, there's Brian with his new very tan boyfriend. Do you know his name?

STEVE: Too Tan Mary.

RODNEY: Wasn't that what we called Brian's last boyfriend when none of us could remember his name?

STEVE: Yes, but they look a lot alike.

RICK: Almost identical.

RODNEY: It's datejà vu.

Thanks to Rodney Alexander Griffis for this week's word! And for more Words of the Week, visit the Archives!

2007-09-03T22:40:00.001-07:00

Bitchelorette (from September 4, 2007)

Definition: Noun. A woman who is a bachelorette for a reason.

In a REAL LIFE scene:
Rick and Steve are watching Ann Coulter behave like an evil, miserable, hate-mongering, barren hag on television.

RICK: God, I hate Ann Coulter.
STEVE: She's single, right?
RICK: Yes. She's a bitchelorette.

For more Words of the Week, visit the Archives!

2007-09-03T22:38:00.000-07:00

Bluetool (From August 7, 2007)
It's been a while. I know. But here we go...

Definition: Noun. A person who thinks he is so important, and who wants everyone to know just how important he is, that he will wear a bluetooth headset everywhere he goes no matter how inappropriate the location or situation; for example, while on a date or in a public restroom.

In a REAL LIFE scene:
Rick is peeing at a urinal during intermission at the Smuckers World On Ice, ice skating show. A random guy comes in.

RICK: (pssssssssssssssssss)

RANDOM GUY: Yeah, I'm at this ice skating thing. It's pretty cool. Yeah. Skating. On ice. (unzips, pulls out tool, begins his business and moans in relief) Ahhhh, well, we're in a skybox so it's even better. Free drinks and food. Yeah, man, you should try it sometime. What are you doing?

RICK (interrupting): I don't know what he's doing but I'm trying to pee!

RANDOM GUY (giving me a look): Some weird dude's in the bathroom. (back to doing his business) Anyway, you were saying?

RICK (zipping up): F-ing bluetool!

For more Words of the Week, visit the Archives!

2007-05-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

Gayble (From May 11, 2007)

Definition: Noun. A table, usually at a public event such as a wedding, that has been designated as the gay table.

2007-04-09T09:33:00.001-07:00

Poostacle Course (From April 9, 2007)

Definition: Noun. A public path that is so littered with dog feces that it becomes an obstacle course to maneuver through. Thanks to Amy for that one.

2007-04-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

Guncle (From April 2, 2007)

Definition: Noun. A gay uncle.

In a scene:
Rick and Steve visit Rick's sister and her family in San Diego. His neice, Hailee, looks at her mom.

HAILEE: Mom, is Uncle Richard my uncle?

SISTER EILEEN: Yes.

HAILEE: Is Uncle Steve my uncle?

SISTER EILEEN: Yes.

HAILEE (trying to figure it out): And they live together?

SISTER EILEEN: Yes. They are you guncles.

2006-10-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Fire My Agent (From October 23, 2006)

Definition: Verb. To defecate. Primarily used as an excuse in mixed company when one does not want the other person to know why he must urgently leave.

In a scene:
Rick is on the telephone with his mother and he realizes he has to use the restroom. Badly.

RICK: Okay, well, I've got a lot of work to do so I should go...

MOM: God, they work you to death don't they?

RICK (now sweating): Yeah, sometimes...

MOM: Oh, but before I lose you, I wanted to find out if any Rite-Aid refund checks came to your house.

RICK (crossing legs): Yeah, some. Um...

MOM: Do you remember how much they were for?

RICK: No... I...

MOM: You know, the next time you're down I need you to set up my internet so I can look up this stuff myself, because...

RICK (interrupting): Mom, I have to fire my agent!

MOM: Oh. Wow. That sounds important.

RICK (squeaky panic voice): It is...

MOM: Okay, then, I'll let you get to it. I love you.

2006-10-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

Snatchel (From October 9, 2006)

Definition: Noun. A large amount of any item that is acquired through sexual performance. Usually associated with money.

In a scene:
Steve and Rick see a sexy woman on Sunset Boulevard.

RICK: Oh look! That's Inari Vachs, the Playboy Playmate I used to write comedy sketches for when I worked at Playboy.

STEVE: She looks very happy.

RICK: She should. She made a snatchel of money while working on that show.

For more Words of the Week, visit the Archives!

2006-07-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

Twocan (From July 24, 2006)

Definition: Noun. A person who speaks very loudly on a cell phone, as though he were actually talking into one of two tin cans attached by a long wire.

In a scene:
Steve and Rick are having a nice quiet dinner with brothers Jeff and John at a fancy restaurant. Conversation is deep.

RICK: And that was the night my father died...

Suddenly, a cha-cha queen enters (wearing Prada, Prada, Gucci, Gucci), yapping on his jewel-encrusted cell phone as he sits at the next table.

CHA-CHA QUEEN: GIRL! And then I said to Mary, "BLAH BLAH, CHAT CHAT, CARRA CARRA CARRA!"
Our conversation abruptly stops
JOHN (rolling his eyes): What a twocan!

Thanks to John S. for that one!

2006-07-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

Fag-Wa (From July 6, 2006)

Definition: Noun. A legal opinion or decree in queer culture that is given by a recognized authority-- namely someone with ties to the Gay Mafia.

NOTE: I wish I could take credit for this one, but I can't. My friend Brian directed me to the TowelRoad blog for this story:

"Fag-Wa" Issued As Gays Escorted from Pharrell Bash

Drama in Milan.

Pharrell Williams has reportedly apologized to Elton John's husband David Furnish after his security detail led Furnish, Burberry head Christopher Bailey, and Dsquared2's Dan and Dean Caten out the door of a GQ party he was hosting at fashion week in Milan.

In an attempt to get more ladies in the room, the bodyguard flushed the glamorous gaggle of gays out the door, saying: "There's too much sausage in the room."

One guest told the Daily News: "It was disgusting and blatantly homophobic. We left and issued a fag-wa against Pharrell. We hope his next album tanks."

Everything appears to be cleared up now, but we're glad that "fag-wa" had the opportunity to enter the lexicon.

And so are we over at Mondo-Ricko! For more Words of the Week, visit the Archives!

2006-06-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Assues (From June 20, 2006)

Definition: Noun. A personal or emotional disorder relating to one's buttocks.

In a scene:
Steve and Rick run into their friend Danielle after Gay Pride weekend.
DANIELLE: Hey guys! Sorry I missed you during Gay Pride. Did you eat a ton of food following your big gay diet?
RICK: Oh yeah! We had quiche for breakfast, pizza for a snack, a spicy burrito at lunch, a giant hot dog on a stick for our second lunch and an Ultimate Cheeseburger for dinner.
STEVE: And now he has assues.

Thanks to Danielle McLaughlin for that one. Welcome back to LA, girl!

2006-06-04T09:00:00.001-07:00

Slapajos (From June 4, 2006)

Definition: Noun. A person of Native American decent who has undergone a male to female (MTF) transgender operation; primarily found in Arizona.

In a scene:
Steve and Rick go to Arizona with their friend Brian Dailey where they spot many MTFs in a local gay bar.
RICK: Wow! There are many transgendered people here.
STEVE: Thank God none of them are tranwrecks.
RICK: But they do seem to possess a distinct ethnic flavor that I have not seen in California.
BRIAN: That's because they're slapajos.

Special thanks to BD for that one.

2006-06-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

C-Lebrity (From June 1, 2006)

Definition: Noun. A person of celebrity status who fits within what the popular culture considers the "C" level. It is framed by both B-Lebrity (any Baldwin brother) and D-Lebrity (Kathy Griffin), but should not to be confused with an A-List Celebrity such as Tom Hanks or Janice Dickinson.

In a scene:
Steve and Rick visit Akbar on Saturday night and see a tall girl dancing wildly on the dance floor. She demands that our friend Mikel dance with her, and he does.
RICK: Who does that girl think she is, Janice Dickinson?
STEVE: No, but that is Lisa from last season of America's Next Top Model.
RICK: Oh my God! This town is full of so many c-lebrities. Maybe we'll see Adrian Curry and Christopher Knight shooting the honeymoon episode of My Fair Brady.
STEVE: We can only hope.

2006-05-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Mexican't

Definition: Noun. A person of Mexican heritage whom you are not allowed to date.

In a sentence:
Rick and Steve are out with their friend Amy looking for hot straight shank for her to date. We quickly spot a swarthy Mexican man.
RICK: Girl! There's a hot Mexican guy for you to date.
AMY: Um... no.
RICK: What's wrong with him?
AMY: You see that hairy back? That makes him a Mexican't.

Thanks to Amy Witry for being so funny!

2006-03-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

Geri-Jewell

Definition: Noun. The placard that an old (geriatric) person hangs from his or her rear view mirror so that they can receive preferential parking, even though this person is not technically handicappable.

In a scene:
While searching for parking at a Red Lobster in San Diego, Rick and Steve get cut off by an old woman in a Mercedes Benz. She then proceeds to park in a handicap spot and hops out (wearing a smart little purple nylon sweat suit number) and jogs into the restaurant so she can meet her fellow ladies that lunch.

RICK: Why does that bitch get to park there?
STEVE: She has a Geri-Jewell hanging from her rear view mirror.
RICK: She better not eat all the cheese biscuits or I swear I'll key her car!

And now... a photo that (supposedly) has nothing to do with our WOW.

2006-03-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

Hatch Back
(From March 6, 2006)
Definition:
Adjective. The condition where a person is missing his or her gluteus maximus; the image resembles a person's back simply splitting at the bottom into two legs, as though the rump had been sliced off with a sharp object, such as a hatchet.

Used in a sentence:
RICK: Is it me, or does Paris Hilton have no ass?
STEVE: No, she doesn't. She has a hatch back.

2006-02-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

Fresh Housekeeper (From February 26, 2006)
Definition:
Adjective. The stress-relieving clean scent that a dwelling provides after it has been tidied up and sanitized by hired help.

Used in a scene:
Steve opens the door after a long day of work creating toys for The Disney Store. He suddenly stops at the entrance, amazed.
STEVE: Honey! The house looks and smells so beautiful!
RICK: That would be the scent of fresh housekeeper.
STEVE: But Loyda seems to have done an even more exceptional job.
RICK: That's probably because I gave her daughters one of your new snowglobes as a gift.
STEVE: Oh... Can I have a glass of wine, please?

2006-02-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

Frienemy (From February 23, 2006)
Definition: Noun. A person one keeps close to himself-- as though the person were a friend-- when in actuality the person is his enemy and what he's really doing is keeping the person safely in his sights. These are the sort of people you use prevenge on.

2006-02-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

Symsomnia (From February 6, 2006)
Definition:
Noun. A shared condition, similar to sympathy pains, when one cannot sleep due to his partner's bout of insomnia.

Used in a scene:
It's 4:00 in the morning and Steve is stressed from work so he has been awake since 1:00am. Rick, who is completely conked out, rolls over to a new position.
STEVE: You can't sleep either, huh?
RICK (now awakened): Huh? What?... Oh... No, honey, I have symsomnia.

2006-02-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

Utah Claw and Big Bang Theory (From February 1, 2006)
This week's main word comes courtesy of our brother-in-law, John Spangler.

"Utah Claw" Definition: Noun. A women's haircut style, popular with residents in Middle America, the state of Utah, or those who believe in the power of a Miss America Pageant; distinguished by the bangs being hairsprayed up in the front, generally with Aqua Net or some similar spray, so as to resemble a surfer's wave or a an animal's claw. ALSO... Adjective. To describe someone's hair style as looking like a Utah Claw.

Used in a scene:
Rick and Steve arrive at their hotel in San Francisco only to discover that the Hyatt is the host hotel for the University of Utah football team, which is in town playing against San Francisco State. As they stand in line to check in, they notice they are surrounded by hair.
RICK (whispers): Oh my God, honey. We're surrounded by Utah Claws.
STEVE (whispers): Talk about believing in the Big Bang Theory.

2006-01-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

Handifat (From January 23, 2006)
Definition:
Noun. A person who uses an overweight condition to label himself or herself as handicapped, generally at locations such as amusement parks or other long-walking venues where one could lose weight through physical movement but not be granted access to the front of the line. Also... Adjective. To describe a person as being handifat.

In a sentence:
Rick and Steve wait in line at Disneyland's Space Mountain ride for 45-minutes. Once they finally reach the front of the line they are told to wait as two large women-- covered in collectible pins because it's all the rage-- sitting in electric wheelchairs arrive via the express elevator, easily step out of their chairs, and load themselves onto the ride.
STEVE: Why do they get to bypass the line?
RICK: Because they are handifat.

2006-01-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

Prevenge (From January 16, 2006)
(supplied by Rodney Alexander Griffis)
Definition: Verb. The act of getting "even" or settling a score with someone before they have the opportunity to piss you off; ie, to get revenge early.

In a sentence:
Rodney is out with his friends Brian and Allen, when he sees Allen giving some Hot Young Stud the eye. Allen gets up and goes to the bathroom, smiling at Hot Young Stud on his way.

RODNEY: Oy! Hot young stud. Come here.
HYS: Hey.
RODNEY: My friend has crabs. Would you like me to buy you a drink?
HYS leaves.
BRIAN: Why would you do that to Allen?
RODNEY: Because you know Allen will do something to piss me off later in the night. It was prevenge!

(Please note, it's difficult to find images for verbs. So here's some random HYT.)

2006-01-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

Tranwreck and Gender Bender (From January 9, 2006)
Tranwreck Definition: Noun. A person, generally of male to female (MTF) transgendered origin, who looks and acts like a complete and total mess.

Used in a scene:
Rick and Steve are driving down the street in Hollywood when suddenly Rick spots someone.
RICK: Oh my God, honey. Is that Pete Burns from the band Dead or Alive?

Steve peers out the window as the questionable woman on the sidewalk deliberately drops her handkerchief so that she can bend down and show her panties to passing cars. She then pops up and puckers her lips in an "ooops!" smile.
STEVE: No! Pete is currently on Big Brother in the UK; and here's a publicity picture of him. That woman over there is just some tranwreck.

Rick and Steve continue to stare at shim while traveling down the road. Suddenly, they hear a horn! A squeal of tires! And then a CRASH as they're jolted back and forth in Rick's Hyundai.
STEVE: What happened?
RICK: We just caused a gender bender.

2005-12-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

Barm (From December 27, 2005)

Definition: Noun. A section of skin located between the boob and armpit that is flabby in appearance; generally created when a woman wears a sleeveless dress or blouse that is so tight that the material cuts into her flesh, thereby creating a new appendage.

In a sentence:
Rick and Steve walk into the Emmy party at The Mondrian.
STEVE: Honey, look! It's Paula Abdul. Thank God she's not wearing a tiara.
RICK: What is that thing hanging next to her tit?
STEVE: Ew! Barm! Let's run!
Rick and Steve quickly run to grab a cocktail.

2005-12-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Jewdini (From December 18, 2005)

Definition: Adjective. A word used to describe a person of Jewish descent or cultural identity (or both) who you enjoy a very successful date with, but then won't return your calls or e-mails for some unknown reason; he or she magically "disappears" off the face of the Earth. Also...Verb. To Jewdini someone. IE: Jewdiniing. To be Jewdinied.

In a sentence:

RICK: Hey Susanna, how was your date with that Shylock Rosenberg guy?
SUSANNA: Oh my God! We totally had a great time at the cemetery screening in Hollywood and then he pulled a Jewdini on me!
RICK: Oy gevalt!

PLEASE NOTE DISCLAIMER:
I have no idea who these random men are or if they are Jews or if they have ever been Jewdinis. Though two of the guys I did get their photos from Jewish Mingle. As for why I have actor Adam Goldberg on here, well, I think he's a hilarious guy and I've been trying to find a way to put his picture on the site. But again, I know nothing of his behaviors.

L'Chaim!

2005-12-14T09:00:00.000-08:00

Hasbian (From December 14, 2005)
Definition: Noun. A woman who, after staunchly proclaiming her homosexuality and/or having same sex relationships for a significant length of time, decides she is actually straight. Also... Adjective. A term used to describe a woman who is a hasbian. Or... A curse. Used in place of a noun to put someone down in the same manner as the word "bitch," only it must be an apt description; for example, one would not call Carrot Top a hasbian no matter how annoying he may be.

In a sentence:
The phone rings, and Rick picks it up.
RICK: Hello?
WOMAN'S VOICE: Hi Rick, it's crazy Anne Heche.
RICK: Hasbian!
Rick hangs up phone and goes back to work.

2005-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

Butterface (From November 29, 2005)
Definition: Adjective. Used at the end of a sentence, to denote a negative opinion of another person's visage; though the term has an implied feminine subject, it can also be used for men, especially if he is a gay or a metrosexual where the subject "her" would be appropriate.

In a sentence:
RICK: That guy has one hot body.
STEVE: Yeah, butterface...
RICK: ...I know. It looks like a smacked ass.

2005-11-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

Picasso (From November 22, 2005)
Definition: Adjective. A term used during an all night party, usually in the wee hours of the morning, to describe someone that looks cracked out on drugs.

In a sentence:
Steve and Rick are shopping at Gay Pavilions in West Hollywood at 10:00am in the morning. They pass a man who's eyes are bulging out of his head and his mouth has somehow been repositioned onto the side of his face.
STEVE: Did you see that guy? He looked so surprised to be awake at this hour.
RICK: Yeah, he was way Picasso.

PLEASE NOTE: I just found these images online. I am not saying in ANY WAY that these people were cracked out. I just thought-- for some reason-- that they might look good on this page.

2005-11-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

Enhoy (From November 13, 2005)

(for those of you looking to embrace your Latino heritage as I am)

Definition: Verb. A friendly suggestion, usually offered by a waiter of Mexican descent after he delivers a food or drink item to your table.
In a sentence:
WAITER: "I have the carnitas platter..."
RICHARD: "That's mine."
WAITER (as he places the food in front of me): "Enhoy..."

2005-11-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

Incognegro (From November 7, 2005)
Definition: Adjective. When a person, usually of Caucasian descent, tries behaving as though he were African American; generally this manifests itself through speech, but can sometimes move into the realm of "bling bling."
In a sentence:
RICK: "Check it G, I was all goin' down to Jewel's Catch One to get me some'a dat brutha love 'cause they got the ga-dunk, ga-dunk, you know what I'm sayin'?"
AMY: "Little cracker boy, WHY are you acting all incognegro?"
RICK: "I am not acting, I am a Halfrican-American."
AMY: "Uh huh..."

2005-11-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

Off-Model (From November 2, 2005)
Origin: From the world of animation, it is a term used to describe a drawn character that does not match with the original animator's design. For example, if the nose is too low on the face, or the legs are too long for the established torso proportions, it is considered "off model."
Modern Definition: Adjective. Used to describe a person who is slightly "off"; that is, when you look at the person you realize something just isn't right about his or her appearance.
In a sentence: Star Jones looked fine when she was big, but since rapidly losing so much weight to compensate for feeling frustrated about her sexually questionable husband, she's become really off-model.

2005-10-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Town and Country (from October 28, 2005)

Definition: Adjective. A term used to describe a person's eyes.
In a sentence:
RICK: Laura Bush has such beautiful Town and Country eyes.
STEVE: Are you kidding me?
RICK: Not at all... One eye looks at the town, and the other eye looks at the country.